


I Think You Hide

by fifthnorthumberland



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Anxiety Disorder, Coming Out, Established Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-08
Updated: 2017-01-08
Packaged: 2018-09-15 19:54:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9253658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fifthnorthumberland/pseuds/fifthnorthumberland
Summary: They're getting closer to Jack coming out in the NHL and Eric is worried. He knows it'll be fine, but he's still worried. So he calls his mom.





	

**Author's Note:**

> A few things:  
> \- I really think that Bitty also experiences anxiety, just not about the same stuff as Jack.  
> \- In this, he's come out to his parents sometime after they came out to his team.  
> \- I was listening to "Hiding" by Florence + The Machine when I wrote this and it is so them. Check out the lyrics if you wanna see what I mean.  
> \- This will probably be followed by a second chapter  
> \- Thanks to @MyCupOfTea for editing this! Go read her stuff, she's amazing!
> 
> Thanks for reading!

The view outside his window is gorgeous; autumn leaves are falling from the tree in front of the Haus, the morning sun shining and almost warm, but Eric’s heart is heavy. He’s alright, really. It’s Sunday and he has the day to himself, no homework for once, and he expects that a few teammates will make their way to the Haus throughout the day and end up staying for supper. He looks forward to it, but just now, he doesn’t much feel like getting out of bed. He forces himself to at least shower and brush his teeth and as he washes, he thinks about the conversation he had with Jack the night before.

_ “Well, it could have gone better, but it’s done and she’s supportive, so I’m happy.” _

_ “Oh, I’m glad, honey!” _

He’d felt odd saying it, a little bit like he was faking, because Eric knew he ought to be glad that Jack was able to be comfortably out to his team and the organization. Something at the back of his mind was worried, though. He and Jack had talked about his decision to come out, how it could affect Jack’s career, and Eric’s life, were he to agree to announce they were dating publicly. It’s an open conversation that they go back to often, but Jack seems settled in his choice not to hide anymore. Eric trusts him to make the right choice for himself, for them, but he can’t help be scared.

After getting dressed into some jogging pants and a concert t-shirt, Eric gets back into bed and calls his mother. She often knows what to say to make him feel better when he feels lost.

She picks up on the third ring.

“Dicky! Hi, honey!” Just hearing her unknots something in his chest.

“Hey, Ma. How are you?”

“I’m just fine, so is your father.” Eric hears some muffled words in the background, and then “Oh, he says hello and that he wants to know how that group presentation went.”

“It went just fine. We got a decent grade.”

He can picture his mother putting her hand on the phone while she tells Richard “He says they did well.” and his father nodding before going back to his Sunday paper.

“What are you up to, today?” Suzanne asks.

“Oh, not much. I just went back to bed. I’m feeling - I don’t know - blue, I guess?”

“Oh yeah? What’s happening, sugar?”

Eric hesitates for a moment. His parents know about him and Jack, have for a few weeks now, and neither of them was shocked that their son was head over heels in love with Bad Bob Zimmermann’s prodigious child. It had been a relief, one thing less to worry about all of a sudden. He’s still getting used to the idea of them knowing, though. After years of hiding, or thinking he was hiding, it’s not so easy to let go. It’s good, though.

“Well, you know how Jack’s decided to come out to his team progressively?”

Suzanne hums in acknowledgment.

“It’s going really well, Ma, and I’m really proud of him. He’s not letting his anxiety get in the way and he’s being so brave, but I just.” He takes a deep breath, then, focusing on what he wants to say, not on the whirlwind of emotions that the thought of Jack doing this for them brings up. “I’m just worried. That at one point, he’s gonna hit a wall and it’s all gonna fall away.”

 

“Oh, Eric.” He knows the face she’s making. It’s the same one he makes when Jack confesses he’s scared about something irrational. He tries to believe he has no reason to worry about Jack’s career, but it’s more than that, and there’s the possibility of obstacles is very real.

He sighs before continuing. “I know it’ll probably be fine, we’re always talking about it, and so far, it is, but there’s so much at risk -”

“Baby, I know it’s hard. Well, I don’t really, do I? But I can imagine what’s going on in your mind, all the fears about Jack’s career, and being out there with him facing... negative people, but you’re not alone, Dicky, you gotta know that.”

“I know, Ma, I know. But it’s not just being out or even Jack’s career. It’s just. What if it’s too much? For us?” he feels tears threatening to come out. “What if he realizes I’m not worth it?” He feels small, so small.

“Oh, honey. What makes you think this boy isn’t completely lost on you? Last I knew, you were making googly eyes at each other over Skype and talking about the future together.”

He knows. He knows Jack loves him. He hasn’t said it, yet, but Eric knows. He feels it, in touches and in gestures, and words and - maybe he needs to hear it.

“I know. Ugh! I can’t believe I’m complaining about this over the phone to you, all the way in Georgia.”

“Eric Richard Bittle, listen up for a moment. I sure wasn’t expecting to give you a pep talk this morning, but I love you and I’m here for you, whenever, so please. Don’t give me any of that, alright?”

He shouldn’t be surprised, really. He knows his mother loves him. He just forgot how supportive she could be after years of denying himself this openness.

“Alright. I just don’t know how to feel about all of this.” It’s a weight off his chest just to talk about it, but it also makes it real. An issue he’s acknowledged and now has to deal with.

“You can feel any which way about it, hon. I think you should call that boyfriend of yours, though, don’t you? Talk about all that with him.”

“Yeah.” He takes a deep breath and lets the tightness in his shoulders loosen a little. “Yeah, I think I will.”

“Alright, I’ll leave you to it then. Anything else, Ducky?” It’s a new nickname, which makes Eric smile. His mother can be so silly.

 

“Just that I love you. And tell Coach I’ll call him later to chat, okay?”

“Okay. Bye, honey. I love you too.”

After hanging up, Eric feels lighter. He’s nervous about talking with Jack. Logically, he knew it was coming. He knew he’d have to bring up his insecurities at one point if they wouldn’t be soothed by Jack’s cute little gesture of asking him to be his boyfriend, or by their official coming out to their friends. He trusts Jack, but he’s still scared. No one’s ever loved him like this. It shouldn’t be scary, perhaps, but it’s hard to get used to it. 

 

He’s tempted to put it aside and forget he ever had this little breakdown, but Jack’s been so good at communicating about his own needs and he reacted so well when Eric told him what was wrong a month ago. He thinks it’s probably worth a shot.


End file.
